Love Isn’t Red Roses. It’s Regulation.

Love Isn’t Red Roses. It’s Regulation.

Valentine’s Day tends to arrive wrapped in red roses, heart-shaped chocolates, and a quiet pressure to make love look a certain way.

And then there’s Family Day weekend.
Extra time together. Big feelings. Dysregulated schedules. High expectations.

For many parents, especially those raising neurodivergent or highly sensitive kids, this weekend doesn’t feel romantic or relaxing. It can feel loud, messy, and overwhelming.

So let me offer a reframe that can change everything:

Real love isn’t red roses.
It’s regulation.

What Love Actually Feels Like to a Child’s Nervous System

Children don’t experience love the way adults do.

They don’t feel most loved through gifts, outings, or perfectly planned moments. Especially kids with ADHD or sensitive nervous systems.

They feel love through:

• Your tone of voice
  
• Your presence
  
• Your ability to stay grounded when they fall apart
  
• The way you repair after hard moments
  
  

From a brain and nervous system perspective, love is not a feeling.
It’s a state of safety.

When a child feels emotionally safe, their brain releases oxytocin. Stress hormones quiet. Executive function comes back online. Behavior softens.

That’s regulation.

And that is love in its truest form.

Why Long Weekends Can Feel Hard

Long weekends disrupt routines. Sleep shifts. Expectations rise. Kids are suddenly together more often, competing for space, attention, and connection.

When the nervous system feels overwhelmed, behavior escalates.

That doesn’t mean the weekend is failing.
It means your child needs more co-regulation, not correction.

This is where many parents feel pressure to “fix the moment” instead of leading the energy of the moment.

Using the LOVE Ü Parenting Method This Weekend

Let’s walk through how LOVE Ü shows up in real life during Valentine’s and Family Day.

Ü — YOU First

Love starts with you.

If you’re tense, rushed, or overstimulated, your child’s nervous system will mirror that. Before reacting, pause. Breathe. Drop your shoulders.

This is not about being calm all the time.
It’s about being mindful and present enough to lead.

A regulated parent is the most powerful Valentine gift a child can receive.

L — Listen Deeply

When kids melt down, act out, or fight, listen beneath the behavior.

“What’s being asked for here?”

Often it’s:

• Reassurance
  
• Attention
  
• Connection
  
• Safety
  

Listening deeply doesn’t mean fixing. It means helping your child feel felt.

That alone can de-escalate a moment.

O — Oxytocin Before Logic

This weekend, connection comes before correction.

Lower your voice. Get close. Make eye contact. Offer warmth.

Brains in distress cannot hear lessons.
But they can feel love.

Oxytocin opens the door that logic cannot.

V — Validate the Feeling

Validation is one of the greatest acts of love.

“You’re really disappointed.”
“That didn’t go the way you hoped.”
“It makes sense you’re upset.”

Validation doesn’t mean agreement.
It means emotional safety.

When feelings are allowed, they move through faster.

E — Emotions Are Energy

Big feelings are energy looking for release.

Instead of suppressing them:

• Move the body
  
• Go outside
  
• Shake, jump, laugh, cry
  
• Slow everything down
  

This is how emotions complete their cycle.

This is regulation.

Redefining a “Successful” Family Day

A successful Family Day is not:

• No meltdowns
  
• Perfect behavior
  
• Everyone smiling all the time
  

A successful Family Day looks like:

• Repair after rupture
  
• Connection after conflict
  
• Presence instead of pressure
  

Your kids won’t remember the activity.
They’ll remember how it felt to be with you.

That feeling is built through regulation.

A Valentine’s Reminder for Moms

This weekend is also a reminder for you.

You do not need to pour from an empty cup to prove your love.

When you care for your nervous system, you care for your family’s nervous system.

This is why LOVE Ü Parenting exists.
And why Warrior Mamas exists.

Because supported moms raise regulated kids.
And regulated homes feel more loving.

Love That Lasts

Red roses fade.
Chocolate disappears.

But the safety your child feels in your presence wires their brain for life.

This weekend, let love look like:

• Slowing down
  
• Letting go
  
• Repairing gently
  
• Being human together
  

Because love isn’t something you give perfectly.

It’s something you practice, moment by moment.

And you are already doing more right than you think. 💗

With love and trust in you,
Lara