“I’m a Bad Boy”: When Kids Internalize Shame A Quick-Start Guide for Responding with the LOVE Ü Parenting Method

Jul 18, 2025

👶 The Message Behind the Behaviour

If your child is drawing sad faces and calling themselves “bad,” they are not seeking attention—they’re seeking belonging.

Children under 7 live in the emotional brain. They don’t separate actions from identity.
So when they make a mistake or feel disconnected, it becomes:
“I did something wrong → I am wrong.”

Shame shuts down connection. But you can repair it.

💗 Your child doesn’t need correction—they need connection.
Inside the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom, you’ll learn exactly how to respond to shame with safety, empathy, and emotional intelligence—so your child knows they’re never too much or too broken to be loved.

👉 Join the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom now and start turning shame into self-worth, one loving response at a time.
Click here to join ➝

 

🚨 What You Might Be Seeing:

  • Drawing themselves as “bad” or sad

  • Lying to avoid consequences

  • Running away when you try to talk

  • Covering ears, melting down, or freezing when corrected

These are nervous system protectors—not defiance. Your child is overwhelmed, not disobedient.

💛 What to Do (The LOVE Ü Method)

Ü – YOU First

💗 Start with regulation. If you’re calm, your child can borrow your nervous system to feel safe.
Try: 3 deep breaths, hand on your heart, mantra: “My child is not bad. They’re overwhelmed.”

L – Listen Deeply

👂 Underneath the behaviour is a story. Slow down to hear it.
Instead of: “Why did you do that?”
Try: “Tell me what happened. I’m here. I’ll listen.”

O – Oxytocin & Feel-Good Chemicals

🧠 Touch, eye contact, play, and connection release oxytocin and help the brain shift out of “danger mode.”
Try:

  • Drawing together

  • Gentle touch

  • Special time (child leads, you follow)

V – Values, Vision, & Validation

✨ Boundaries matter—but so does how we communicate them.
Say: “It’s okay to feel mad. You’re allowed to feel. I’m here to help.”
Not: “Stop acting like that. That’s not okay.”

E – Emotions & Energetics

🌊 Emotions are energy in motion. Create space for them to be felt—not fixed.
Validate the emotion. Lead the energy.
Try:

  • “Let’s stomp the mad out together.”

  • “That was a lot. I’m proud of you for telling me.”

🌱 Reframe the Story

If your child says, “I’m a bad boy,”
You say:
“You are never bad. You are learning. And I love you no matter what.”

Want a deeper dive into how to build your child’s emotional safety while creating strong, loving boundaries?

👉 Join the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom now and start turning shame into self-worth, one loving response at a time.
Click here to join ➝