
“I’m a Bad Boy”: When Kids Internalize Shame A Quick-Start Guide for Responding with the LOVE Ü Parenting Method
Jul 18, 2025👶 The Message Behind the Behaviour
If your child is drawing sad faces and calling themselves “bad,” they are not seeking attention—they’re seeking belonging.
Children under 7 live in the emotional brain. They don’t separate actions from identity.
So when they make a mistake or feel disconnected, it becomes:
“I did something wrong → I am wrong.”
Shame shuts down connection. But you can repair it.
💗 Your child doesn’t need correction—they need connection.
Inside the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom, you’ll learn exactly how to respond to shame with safety, empathy, and emotional intelligence—so your child knows they’re never too much or too broken to be loved.
👉 Join the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom now and start turning shame into self-worth, one loving response at a time.
Click here to join ➝
🚨 What You Might Be Seeing:
- Drawing themselves as “bad” or sad
- Lying to avoid consequences
- Running away when you try to talk
- Covering ears, melting down, or freezing when corrected
These are nervous system protectors—not defiance. Your child is overwhelmed, not disobedient.
💛 What to Do (The LOVE Ü Method)
Ü – YOU First
💗 Start with regulation. If you’re calm, your child can borrow your nervous system to feel safe.
Try: 3 deep breaths, hand on your heart, mantra: “My child is not bad. They’re overwhelmed.”
L – Listen Deeply
👂 Underneath the behaviour is a story. Slow down to hear it.
Instead of: “Why did you do that?”
Try: “Tell me what happened. I’m here. I’ll listen.”
O – Oxytocin & Feel-Good Chemicals
🧠 Touch, eye contact, play, and connection release oxytocin and help the brain shift out of “danger mode.”
Try:
- Drawing together
- Gentle touch
- Special time (child leads, you follow)
V – Values, Vision, & Validation
✨ Boundaries matter—but so does how we communicate them.
Say: “It’s okay to feel mad. You’re allowed to feel. I’m here to help.”
Not: “Stop acting like that. That’s not okay.”
E – Emotions & Energetics
🌊 Emotions are energy in motion. Create space for them to be felt—not fixed.
Validate the emotion. Lead the energy.
Try:
- “Let’s stomp the mad out together.”
- “That was a lot. I’m proud of you for telling me.”
🌱 Reframe the Story
If your child says, “I’m a bad boy,”
You say:
“You are never bad. You are learning. And I love you no matter what.”
Want a deeper dive into how to build your child’s emotional safety while creating strong, loving boundaries?
👉 Join the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom now and start turning shame into self-worth, one loving response at a time.
Click here to join ➝