How to Use the LOVE Ü Parenting Method When Siblings Are Fighting

How to Use the LOVE Ü Parenting Method When Siblings Are Fighting

(And Why Conflict Isn’t the Problem You Think It Is)

Sibling fighting can feel like nails on a chalkboard to a parent’s nervous system.

The noise.
The accusations.
The “HE STARTED IT.”
The fear that you’re somehow raising kids who will hate each other forever.

Let me say this clearly first:

Sibling conflict is not a sign you’re doing something wrong.
It’s a sign that developing brains are learning how to be human… together.

The goal of conscious parenting isn’t to stop sibling conflict.
It’s to teach regulation, repair, and relationship skills in the middle of it.

That’s where the LOVE Ü Parenting Method becomes your anchor.

First, a reframe that changes everything

Most parents were taught to manage sibling fights through:

• Punishment
  
• Fairness policing
  
• Forced apologies
  
• Separating kids without emotional repair
  
  

The problem?
Those strategies shut down the nervous system instead of teaching it.

When siblings fight, what you’re seeing is:

• Dysregulated nervous systems
  
• Unmet needs
  
• Underdeveloped executive function
  
• Competition for safety, attention, and belonging
  
  

Especially in ADHD or highly sensitive kids, the brain isn’t choosing chaos.
It’s asking for co-regulation.

Let’s walk through how to respond using LOVE Ü.

Ü — YOU First: Regulate Before You Intervene

Before you say a word… pause.

Sibling fights are one of the biggest triggers for parents because they activate:

• Our fear of losing control
  
• Our childhood wounds around fairness
  
• Our belief that “good parents stop this immediately”
  
  

But when you jump in dysregulated, you become the third nervous system adding fuel to the fire.

Instead:

• Drop your shoulders
  
• Exhale slowly
  
• Ground your feet
  
• Remind yourself: “No one is in danger. This is a learning moment.”
  
  

You are not here to referee.
You are here to lead the nervous system energy in the room.

L — Listen Deeply (Beyond the Words)

When siblings fight, the words are rarely the truth.

“He took my toy” might mean:

• “I feel unseen.”
  
• “I need control.”
  
• “I’m overwhelmed.”
  
• “I’m scared I don’t matter.”
  
  

Instead of interrogating or assigning blame, reflect what you see:

“I see two kids who are really upset.”
“This feels big for both of you.”
“Something isn’t working right now.”

Listening deeply doesn’t mean agreeing.
It means making emotions feel safe enough to settle.

Safety comes before solutions. Always.

O — Oxytocin Before Logic

Brains in conflict cannot access logic, empathy, or problem-solving.

Oxytocin is the bridge.

Use connection cues:

• Lower your voice
  
• Make eye contact
  
• Get physically close without grabbing
  
• Place a hand on a shoulder if welcomed
  
• Speak slowly and warmly
  
  

You are helping their brains shift from threat to safety.

Once oxytocin rises, cortisol falls.
And only then can learning happen.

This is not permissive parenting.
This is neurobiologically effective parenting.

V — Validate Feelings Without Picking Sides

Validation is not about deciding who’s right.
It’s about naming emotional truth.

Try:

• “You’re really angry.”
  
• “You didn’t like that.”
  
• “You both wanted the same thing.”
  

Avoid:

• “Stop overreacting.”
  
• “That’s not a big deal.”
  
• “Be the bigger person.”
  
  

When kids feel validated, they don’t need to escalate to be heard.

You are teaching them:
“My feelings matter, and I can survive them.”

That lesson lasts a lifetime.

E — Emotions Are Energy: Move Them Through the Body

Sibling conflict is emotional energy with nowhere to go.

Instead of suppressing it, help it move:

• Shake it out
  
• Jump
  
• Squeeze a pillow
  
• Take space to breathe
  
• Use words after bodies settle
  
  

Later, when everyone is regulated, guide repair:

• “What could help next time?”
  
• “What do you need from each other?”
  
• “How can we fix this together?”
  
  

Repair teaches responsibility without shame.

What This Looks Like Over Time

When you use the LOVE Ü Parenting Method consistently:

• Sibling fights become shorter
  
• Kids recover faster
  
• Emotional intelligence increases
  
• Power struggles decrease
  
• Connection strengthens
  
  

And here’s the part parents don’t expect:

Your nervous system becomes calmer too.

Because you stop seeing sibling conflict as failure and start seeing it as practice.

Practice being human.
Practice being connected.
Practice being regulated together.

A Gentle Reminder for You, Mama

You don’t need perfect kids.
You don’t need peaceful silence.
You don’t need to control every moment.

You need:

• Presence
  
• Regulation
  
• Trust in the process
  
  

Sibling conflict is not breaking your family.

Handled with LOVE Ü, it’s building emotional resilience, empathy, and lifelong relationship skills.

And that is powerful parenting.

💗 Ready to go deeper?

Inside the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom, I teach:

• Scripts for sibling conflict
  
• Nervous system repair tools
  
• Emotional regulation strategies for ADHD homes
  
• How to parent without burnout or guilt
  
  

This is where parents stop reacting and start leading with confidence, connection, and ease.

✨ Join us inside the LOVE Ü Parenting Classroom and step into a new way of parenting.

With love and trust in you,
Lara