🌱 Supporting vs. Spoiling: How to Foster Independence and Honour ADHD Needs

If you’ve ever wondered,

“Am I helping too much? Or not enough?”
You’re not alone.

Raising a child with ADHD often feels like a constant tug-of-war between encouraging independence and offering the support they genuinely need to thrive.

Join LOVE U Parenting today - you don’t have to do this alone!

Here’s the truth: your child isn’t lazy or unmotivated. Their brain is wired differently.
ADHD is more than just a focus issue—it’s a developmental delay in executive functioning. That means planning, prioritizing, managing emotions, starting tasks, and remembering steps can all be significantly harder.

In fact, research shows kids with ADHD often have a 30% delay in executive, emotional, and social maturity compared to their neurotypical peers.
So your 12-year-old might function more like an 8-year-old in these areas.

💡 So What’s the Balance?

You want to foster confidence and independence—but you also want to meet your child where they are.
Here’s the framework I teach inside the LOVE Ü Parenting Method:

✔ Scaffold, Don’t Rescue

Scaffolding means giving just enough support so your child can succeed with you—then gradually removing supports as their skills grow.
It’s not coddling—it’s building brain pathways.

Example: Instead of saying, “Go clean your room,” try:
“Let’s set a timer for 10 minutes. Start with the clothes, then come check in.”

✔ Use Accommodations as Bridges, Not Crutches

Extended time, checklists, visual schedules, movement breaks, fidgets—these aren’t “excuses.”
They’re tools that bridge the gap between ability and expectation.

Independence doesn’t mean doing it all alone—it means having the tools to do it with success.

✔ Honour the Delay

When you expect your child to “act their age,” but forget about the executive function delay, everyone ends up frustrated.
Meet them at their developmental level—not just their chronological one.

✔ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

Instead of focusing on what they can’t do yet, highlight what’s getting stronger.

“I noticed you remembered your water bottle today! That’s a big step in independence.”

💗 Final Thought

Your child doesn’t need to “tough it out” to become responsible.
They need guidance, connection, and scaffolding that aligns with how their beautiful, brilliant brain works.

Independence is the goal.
But support is the pathway.

✨ Want more tools like this?
Join us in the LOVE U Parenting Classroom—where we help you parent the brain your child actually has, not the one the world expects.
💗 Click here to join now.